Alls Fair in Love and Health
by Miakakilala
Summary: Winter is coming and poor little Quatre is worried about the Gundam Crew's health. What will happen? And at what lenght is Quatre willing to go to? And to What length is Duo will to get out of it... Enjoy! Some Yaoi indicated but nothing detailed.
1. The Plot Unfolds

Disclaimer: I do not own gundam wing or anything like that. I just dream about it.  
  
Miakakilala: hehehehehe this should be FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I be hyper while writing this. Someone was dumb enough to provide me with a box of chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gotta love him for that!!!!!!!!!!!!! either way, I've had this fic planned for about 2 years now and I am finally writing it. boy am I slow, but I had parts memorized way back then cause I planned it so much!! ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
A FLU SEASON TO REMEMBER - Chapter 1:The Plot Unfolds  
  
Quatre kicked at a piece of garbage down the street as he held his chin under the upturned collar of his coat. The wind was starting to get chilly and the leaves were turning a brilliant shade of orange. He looked around at this and sneezed then an idea popped into his head. " winter is almost here. soon the flu bug will begin to find it's next victims. what can I do to get everyone to stay healthy" (that is so cute.!!!!! what a loving friend!) Quatre chose this moment to look up and what did he get? A lonely flyer blew right into his face! Grabbing the intrusive object, Quatre was about to throw it into the garbage can that he was passing, when he suddenly got a glance at the paper. Holding it close, Quatre ran around the corner to his apartment building and then up into his room. He grabbed the phone and made a quick call to his good, peace-loving friend Relena!  
  
"Hey Relena, I just got a great idea!"  
  
"Yah? What is it?"  
  
And as Quatre unfolded his plot, we take a look over to Relena's side of the phone. Here you can see her grin increase immensely as the plot unfolds  
  
"Do you think it will work Quatre? I mean Heero and Wu-fei are so proud and well... look at Duo."  
  
"We'll figure something out, we always do."  
  
"K, well then bye and see you then"  
  
*CLICK* and with that, Quatre started calling the whole Gang, not just the G-Boys.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
About an hour later, Quatre finally released the phone from his grasp. Clicking it down on it's base, and with that, he headed up the stairs into his room. but with all the excitement our little hero forgot his bundle of papers on the table beside the phone. The top piece was blown from the table to the floor. silently falling to the ground, the words " Free Flu Vaccinations!!!! Call for Appointment" appeared.  
  
~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
mIAKAKILALA: hOPE YOU LIKE SO FAR. i KNOW THAT IS SHORT AT THE MOMENT BUT TRUST ME, IT SHOULD GET LONG. THIS IS...oops sorry, i forgot that i had caps lock on!!!!!!!!! sorry. now where was i.... o yeah. This is just the beginning. R&R if you want to. i would love to hear from you. Can't wait to write again and actually get into the plot. 


	2. The Stories Are Told

Chapter 2: The Stories Told  
  
Frantically Duo bounded into the Colony Health Centre. "WE'RE IS THE ALIEN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" he yelled out, speedily gazing around the silent room. Everyone looked up at the boy who had disturbed the peace. " WEREWEREWEREWERE WEREWEREWEREWEREWEREWEREWEREWEREWERE!!!"  
  
Quatre ran out from behind one of the waiting room couches and darted towards Duo. He grabbed his arm and pulled the noisy boy over to the rest of the gang while simultaneously covering Duo's open mouth with his hand. He through Duo onto a chair beside Heero and went over to Relena.  
  
"What DID you tell him?"  
  
Relena grinned. "Just that aliens have landed and the are sanctioned here. You said that you wanted me to get everyone here, no matter what"  
  
"You sure did a good job", Quatre gazed around to look at the G-Crew. Feeling his gaze on them, they all turned and gave him individual versions of the Yuy Death Glare.  
  
With this we change to the conversation between the pilots.  
  
As Duo was getting over his shock Heero leaned over and whispered "Guess they got you too eh?"  
  
"What do you mean????????? I'm here for the aliens"  
  
Heero slapped his forehead. "Duo, Duo, Duo... there are no aliens. Relena just told you that so you would come here."  
  
"Why'd she want me here?!?!?!?!? And Why try to trick me! She could have just asked"  
  
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP Heero had resorted to multiple slaps. "God how stupid is he?" He pointed straight to the large sign covering the wall. "FREE FLU SHOTS" it read. Then with the sweep of his hand, he showed Duo the various other posters in the room. "ARE YOU PREPARED FOR WINTER", "PROTECT YOUR KIDS FOR THE FLU BUG", FREE VACCINATION TO STAY HEALTHY", etc.  
  
As Duo's head returned to its regular position, he mad a remarkable comment, "So....Why are we here???  
  
Heero walked off and started banging his head on wall nearest. Wu- fie took his place and in plain English said to Duo calmly , "You are about to get a needle stabbed into you. If Quatre told you that, you never would have come. That is why he tricked you. He tricked all of us into coming here."  
  
"Not me!" Mariemaia piped up. She had been listening in to all this. Trieze and Zech nodded their agreement. " We aren't scarred of a bunch of needles. We came on our own free will" Marie smiled with this.  
  
Duo was shocked. "You came on your own to be punctured to death by some stranger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are You INSANE!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!? You'll die and never be seen again!"  
  
" Duo you're so over reacting. it will be fine. This is nothing compared to getting shot."  
  
Duo whimpered " Yeah but still......You Gotta Save Me!!!" and with this he jumped up and started running toward the door.  
  
Quatre, hearing all the commotion, turned his head just in time to see the boy leap up from his chair. He ran after Duo and tackled the frightened boy. "Duo get your ass back into that chair.", and with that he dragged him back along with the help of Mariemaia, Zechs, and Trieze. The whole way Duo was kicking and screaming and in general causing quite a racket. All the children in the room stared at this spectrum and them turned to their parents, whispering about being too scared to go into the doctors office. All the mothers gave Duo an angry glare as they tried to calm their kids.  
  
While this was all happening, the rest of the G-boys were discussing the wonderful tactics that Quatre and Relena had used to get them there.  
  
"She said something about a mission here. I was to assassinate an enemy that was healing here." Heero couldn't believe that he had even fell for the trick. Relena wanting him to kill someone? Like that would ever happen.  
  
Trowa murmured, "She told me that Catherine had hurt herself during her act and had to be ambulanced here."  
  
They all looked at Wu-fie to hear his story. Briefly he said, " She just rang my doorbell and then when I answered, she stuffed me into a potato sack." With this he turned his head and began watching the struggle between Quatre and Duo. It was embarrassing him the way the boy was acting, not to mention giving the Gundam pilots a bad image.  
  
At this moment the girls walked in. They had been at the spa on a girls day out. After telling Relena that they were there, they sat next to the G-boys and started a conversation among themselves. Heero turned to towards them and listened to their conversation.  
  
" I'm so glad that Quatre thought of this. It's such a wonderful idea. Every year I get the flu and now I won't .", Catherine was saying.  
  
Heero did a back take. He had to contain himself as he spurted out, "You knew what you were coming for?!?! Quatre and Relena didn't try to trick you?"  
  
"That's right. She told us straight off what was happening"  
  
"But then why did she trick all of us?"  
  
"Because she knew that you guys would be idiots about it and wouldn't come. You guys can be so proud sometimes that you would think that you didn't need these shots and that you would could never possibly get sick. Do you think that's what Quatre wanted to happen?" Hilde piped up  
  
"Oh" was all Heero could muster. Though the girls did have a point. If He had been told what was going on, Heero never would have come. He probably would have told Quatre that he was on a mission so he wouldn't get upset. All in all, the two of them got everyone to the clinic just fine. With the exception of a boy named Duo, but hey, this is Duo we're talking about. Speaking of Duo..., Heero though as he glanced around the room. Heero found the subject in question sitting on a chair and pouting, with little Mariemaia to watch over him. Heero had to smother a small chuckle. The boy looked so dejected and the fact that a little eight year old girl was guarding him was too much to handle. Though when Heero looked into Duo's eyes, he saw that a plan was beginning to for in the eyes of Shinigami. 


	3. Mission: Escape, Mission: Accepted

Chapter 3 - Mission: Escape. Mission: Accepted  
  
Duo looked up to glare at Mariemaia. It was embarrassing to have a little pip squeak like her watch over him. Then again, he shouldn't even be here. He should be out working on Deathscythe right now. Oh well. It was a miracle that Duo was even sitting in the chair quietly. It had taken Quatre a whole 22 minutes just to get him to calm down. But now Duo was slightly less spooked.  
  
Duo glanced around to see a young girl help herself to a chocolate chip cookie and a fruit punch juice box. She grabbed a whole handful of the cookies and came and sat in the chair beside Duo. Duo looked over at the child and whispered, "I didn't know that we got cookies while waiting"  
  
"You don't.", was her reply "You have to get your needle first"  
  
"Oh" Duo had shuttered at the mention of the word needle. Seeing this, the girl smiled and evil grin to herself, "This could be fun" she thought.  
  
"Oh by the way, my name is Melissa." The girl was being extra friendly to Duo now. Though the idiot wasn't even suspicious at her change of attitude.  
  
"Duo"  
  
"That's great. now we can become buddies. Guess your waiting for your turn eh?" Duo nodded silently. He was glad to have someone to talk to. Mariemaia had left cause Trieze had called her over to ask her something.  
  
"What was it like?", Duo questioned this girl. Quatre had said that it wouldn't hurt but... Quatre would tell him anything to get him to be quiet and to cooperate.  
  
"You don't know?!? I don't want to be the one to have to tell you this but...", she then perked up and strongly said, "It is the most painful thing in the world. They get this huge honking needle out of a cupboard and then the doctors calls the nurse in to strap you too the table. They cover your mouth with duct tape so the others waiting in here can't hear you. Then they stab the needle right through your arm., You can hear it rip through the skin and bone and everything. The pain is so unbearable that you end up grinding your teeth half way through! Since the needle goes in so deep, he has to put a foot against you and pull it out with both hands. Slowly, ever so slowly, it comes out. And when it is finally out, all this blood comes rushing out of you onto the floor. They have a tarp on the ground and everything, just so it is easy to clean up and the next person won't see it. After all that, they have to look at the hole to see if they put the needle into the right place. Half the time they don't so they have to redo it." Throughout this whole thing, Melissa was acting out the horrors that she portrayed to Duo. Then she looked up at him. It was pathetic really. I mean here he was staring at her with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging wide open. He was cowering so far back in his chair that Melissa thought that the chair was going to fall over backwards. This made Melissa laugh.  
  
"Not many people have made it out of there alive you know. Just look at how empty this room is" Melissa accidentally forgot to add that almost everyone had gotten their needles and had left while she was filling Duo's head with stories. "Well I got to go. Have fun!" And with that she strutted out the door.  
  
"That's it!" Duo thought to himself "I can't go through with this. I have way to much to do in life still. I now have a mission. Escape. Mission: Accepted." He looked around the room to plan his escape route. Slowly his gaze made it across the room until...  
  
"Ah ha!" Duo slid off the chair and started belling crawling to the air duct. (insert Mission Impossible music here) "Inch by inch he made his way along the blue tile flooring. He went under all the chairs and came around to the nurses desk. Here was the hardest part. If he could make it past here and then to the vent, he would be home free. Carefully, oh so carefully Duo sneaked past the desk and up the vent that lay on the wall just above floor level. Slowly the vent door was lifted and then Duo took one last look around his prison. There right by his original place in the chair, was an identical vent. All that work and .... Oh well. In he slipped.  
  
Quatre turned around to see Marie talking to Trieze. "Ah Marie, aren't you suppose to be watching Duo?"  
  
"Oh he'll be fine for a few minutes. I mean look around. Where could he possible go to?"  
  
And with that they both looked around the room. There really was nowhere to go, but then as heads turned towards Duo's chair...  
  
"HE'S GONE!!!"  
  
Duo laughed to himself as he crawled around through the vents. Good thing this building still had those big old huge ones that even he could get through. "I will survive, you know I will survive" I quietly sung. "Ha ha, point given to Du-chan. I so win this one. Now... which way is out?" Our little sneak had gotten himself lost. with all the twists and turns and everything looking the same, he had forgotten all the turns that he had taken.  
  
"Help" Duo squeaked quietly. The he continued on his search for freedom.  
  
"Okay everyone. Fan out", Relena commanded, "He couldn't have gotten far. Now, the nurse said that she didn't see anyone leave the building so he must still be in here somewhere. Heero and Trowa, you look down the Paediatrics' Wing. Wu-fie and Mariemaia down the Senior's Hall. Trieze and Zechs you are in charge of the maternity section. Girls, you take the ER. Me and Quatre will stay here to see if he shows up. Don't miss a thing. This means all exits AND bathrooms. Now, fan out!" 


	4. Search and Restrain

Chapter 4: Search and Restrain 

"Awwwwwwwwwwww... look at those cut babies.", Zechs and Trieze were searching through the maternity ward. At the moment, they had just seem the room full of all the little bundles of joy. "Trieze... I want one?" Zechs looked up at Trieze with puppy dog eyes.

"I don't really think that is possible my love. Not by ourselves at least. One of us would have to be a woman."

"Oh. But I still want one. Couldn't we at least try? I mean...just look at them."

Trieze sighed. This won't really work he thought but hey, at least he would get to have it with Zechs again. It seemed like lately they were always so busy. It was either missions this or training that. "Okay Zechs, lets us find an empty room and we can see what we can do." And with that, Trieze and a grinning Zech went out in search of an empty room.

Heero and Trowa seemed to be having the opposite reaction.

"Trowa, Get These Damn Kids OFF ME!!!" A nurse, seeing them slowly looking through the hallways, seemed to have mistaken them for lost hospital volunteers. So now here they were in the children's play area, stuck reading to a bunch of little five and six year olds. And it was seeming that these little terrors didn't have much in the attention span category.

" Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin"

"Ah Trowa what did you just say to me?!?"

"I wasn't talking to you, I was reading The Three Little Pigs like we're suppose to be doing." And with that, Trowa turned back to his story.

"Trowa I really hate to break it to you but.... 1) no one is listening to you and 2) we're suppose to be looking for Duo. If we don't find him, Quatre will kill us all."

"Quatre would never do that to us. He is so kind hearted"

"He tried to before, remember! You almost got fucking blown out of damn space!" Heero was frustrated.

With all this interesting conversation going on, the little kids had crowded around the two older teens. One of the little girls looked up at Heero and called out, "You said a bad word. You said two bad words. I'm telling my mommy!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Grr... what the hell is wrong with these stupid brats?!?!? They are trying my patients. Trowa, if we don't get out of here soon I will be killing something and it for sure as hell won't be me this time." Trowa turned away from his story and got a glance at Heero's face. It was the shade of a light plum and getting darker by the minute as more children came up to him to either ask him something or tell him something.

"Umm...lets go then before these little tykes have to watch a massacre." Trowa started to rise when he heard a little boy hit Heero on the back of the head and yell "Tag, Your It!"

Heero turned his head slightly to face Trowa. Quietly and calmly the boy spoke, "Too Late." And with that, he turned back, jumped out of the little chair he was in and ran screaming around the room, chasing kids here and there with a look on his face that a insane mental patient would be proud of. Heero turned for a second to grab the chair he had been resting his tushy for only moments ago. After snatching up the item, he pulled a quick 180 while raising the chair into the air with both hands, ready to pummel the kid into the hard tiled hospital flooring. But when our Heero looked down, the child was not to be found. He had run off somewhere and this made spandex boy even angrier. Heero searched, plummeting in and around the not so cushy chairs and couch surrounding the TV.

"Boo!", as Heero was about to peak his head under the next chair. The boy popped out, startling Hee-chan. This sent Heero failing wildly back and caused him to hit his head rather loudly on the table behind him. Though the pain swiftly spreading throughout his noggin, Heero heard Trowa say, " I think it is time for us to continue our search for Duo.". To this he agreed, and even has they heard the sighs and complaints of the various children in the room, Heero could here the small sound of chuckling coming from the direction of one particular brat as Trowa helped him out of the room.

As soon as the two left, Duo burst out into laughter. It had been so hard to contain himself as he had watched to events unfold before him. The nurse dragging them in, the story, the "bad words", and then the little boy he had paid to annoy Hee-chan... it was all so perfect! Now if only they knew that he had been right above them the whole time, watching from the little air duct by the roof....

It seemed that these were not the only unsuccessful groups. Down in the ER section of the hospital, the girls were having a different problem.

"Oh my god!!! Look at that blood!!! It is sooo disgusting!" Hilde seemed to be turning a slight greenish color. It seems that bloody beat up corpses from horrible car accidents and fires did not agree with her delicate nausea tolerance. Given that the likelihood of how many of these people would actually live to tell the story of their accident to teens in school assembly, this was not a pretty sight.

It did not take Sally long to come up with a decision, "How come I don't think that Duo would be here? If he can't even stand one little needle, do you really think that he would come here with all this blood and crap?"

"Maybe that's what he wants us to think", Dorothy chimed in, "Maybe Duo is hiding here cause he knows that we know that he would never come here. Have you ever thought of that?"

"Dorothy, think about Duo for a moment. He isn't exactly smart enough to think up a plan like that. It would involve too much work on his part"

"She's right you know" Lady Une added.

"Yeah well... Mmyah" It seems that Dorothy could not easily accept that fact that she would ever be wrong."

Catherine was just looking around, sort of in a daze. She jumped to the side when she heard a brief scream directed at her. Two young paramedics where pushing a wheeled stretcher down the corridor and they were about to bump into her. The bloody image of a small girl, maybe around the age of 5, passed her by. Cathy held here tears as she spoke to the others, "Let's just go. He isn't here and we are just in the way of everyone." Noin agreed with this and everyone turned to leave.

"Old people are weird." Mariemaia stated. "All they ever do is pinch you on the cheek and mumble on about how cute you are."

"They are strange." Wufei agreed with a small nod, not really paying attention to her. He wanted to find Duo and get the hell away from here. The two stepped into a large room filled with chairs. One section also included tables facing towards one large table with a large container filled with little white balls. Bingo sheets were already placed out before the chairs, bingo chips scattered around.

As Wufei scanned the room, ignoring Marie, he glanced at an old ( very old) man that was beckoning to him. Coming over, the man motioned for him to sit. "So glad that the young ones are taking an interest in us experienced folk."

Wufei tried to explain "Well actually we were just looking for a -" He was interrupted. "I should have known that you would try to leave me all alone, to die with only my thoughts to keep me company. After all I did in the war against OZ. Did you know that I almost died in that? Was against a big mobile suit called a Gundam. This huge dragon like thing came right at me but luckily he missed a fatal area and instead ended up skinning me on the side. Been in here ever since. They made me retire and stay in this little crap-hole. Haven't even heard about much of the going on's in the outside world. But I can tell you this. Those Gundams are evil devises that where created only to be used by the devil himself. May God bless the souls of all those that the Gundams came up against. Hope that they got what they deserved. What's the matter boy?" Wufie's face had turned purple as he heard this. "Injustice!!!" He cried, "Injustice. Those gundam pilots got what they deserved all right. They were rewarded and honoured. Still are! And it's your fault that you are in such misery! If all you do is lock yourself up in here without even at least listening to the radio. After everyone who suffered from the war paid greatly, you sit here and complain about it, even when you were on the wrong side. Anyone against the Gundams was working for the evil...."

At this point, the heart monitor attached to the man went into the consecutive beep sound. But Wufei just kept on shouting at the man. Mariemaia has to drag him away from the room, yelling at him to shut up before someone kicked them out.

Duo laughed to himself. Everything was going so perfectly. His fellow pilots were in misery and the exit was now in sight. _T hats what they get for tricking me to come here._

Duo baby-crawled as fast as he could to the exit but then. .....

"Hey Relena, Do you think that the others are going to find Duo. I hope he wasn't able to get away.". Relena laughed. "Of course he is still in here. I can feel it in my bones."

Yeah I guess. Wouldn't it be funny if he was right under our noses this whole tim...AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH" Duo fell from the sky to land right on Quatre's lap. Duo looked from Quatre to the hole in the ceiling and back to Quatre. His gaze shifted to Relena beside hi, who was reaching for the long, thick rope that lay beside her.

"OH SHIT!"


End file.
